Wanting to Be a Baby Again

Hello, um, this is a really crude bailiwick for me but I only really want answers so I'll explain this best every bit possible.

First, I am a 15 year quondam female. I'grand the youngest in my family but by the time I was born my brother (only sibling) had been diagnosed with autism and so I was raised learning to accept intendance of him. I dont have a bad life, my family unit is well off and treats me well, but for some reason I've always had problems. When I was young, I was extremely shy in social situations (which has not changed at all). Ive always been more mature, smarter, and independent than virtually children my age. I take always took pride in my independence and ability to care for the people around me, but at the same fourth dimension, for equally long as I can call up, I have had this desire to revert back to infancy.

In offset class I heard my friends talking about wanting to be "grownups" and I said I actually wanted to go back to being a babe and be taken care of and held. They all laughed and fabricated fun of me for it. That's when I realized this wasn't normal. Since then I haven't told a soul. Its my deepest, most shameful clandestine.

When I was in principal schoolhouse, I would lock the door to my room, have an old pull up from my bedwetting phase (which I fought to defeat at an early age because "I'm no babe"- I know...I'1000 really confusing), and pretend to exist young once again and accept my blimp animals be my caretakers.

I have dreamed most reverting dorsum into a baby'south body/ being treated as a infant MANY times. I've managed to suppress it but lately the want has gotten bad. In the past 3 years I have been diagnosed and struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD (which I actually don't think I have but I'm just following my doctors written report and medication prescription), and an eating disorder. Information technology has afflicted my everyday life to where I oasis't been able to consistently get to school since the 7th grade.

I feel the urge to cry a lot more than (though I don't really cry ever), I'thou constantly cuddling upwardly to my parents, I sometimes hear myself whine or use babyish-like talk, and have caught myself snuggling an old teddy carry or sucking my thumb. Today I couldnt resist the urge to purchase a coloring book and scribble all over information technology in crayon and the other dark I almost called my dad "daddy" (which is something I haven't done since I was similar 4).

The thought of diapers is sometimes slightly appealing simply overall I'm normally not for it and find it extremely embarrassing/ disgusting/ demeaning. I hate it when people belittle me or try to take care of me in whatsoever way and get highly embarrassed and yet I nevertheless go to bed fantasizing about someone tucking me in. I never allow myself to appear vulnerable and the even the mere thought of that scares me one-half to decease. However when Im alone, I wanna sentry cartoons, cuddle a stuffed beast, and suck my thumb. I just completely backslide dorsum into the land of a modest kid/ toddler sometimes when i am 100% SURE i am lone. Nobody knows about this.

I in no fashion have a sexual allure to this (at to the lowest degree im pretty sure as I am merely xv and take absolutely Goose egg experience in the whole sexual side of things... but i consider this a completely innocent desire) I don't know why I desire to be trivial once again so bad equally I am mortified of it. Sometimes I just imagine buying a pacifier to suck on or a bottle to potable from and I know its weird and unhealthy merely I tin can't help it. Perhaps information technology'south a sense of security or a manner to escape my problems? Only it'due south been following me for as long as I can recollect. Even when I was five I was wondering what it would exist like to "be little." I dunno what this is. Why am I like this and how do I deal with it? [/i]

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Source: https://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=88005

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